So I just found this post in my Day One Journal – from March 24, 2013.
Looking back on this I’d say this is where I began to start to realize the importance of this paradox of life.
The paradox that it’s important to feel full and whole and complete with what I want – that it was important for me to have, experience and be aware that I am in love with myself, my life, all things. And to really feel that there’s no lack of love in my life.
And at the same time – to see and know and be certain that my husband is out there somewhere. In perfect timing he’s already in my life.
The mind almost wants to see them as mutually exclusive – but it is my experience that while it’s not easy for me to have both of these energies running alive within me – that it’s possible – and perhaps a key to creating.
Love. March 24, 2013
amazing what’s coming up for me about relationships and god and love and personal and impersonal living loving and relationships.
Feel disturbed and out of balance in my relp w a friend. (A friend that I loved but that wasn’t loving me back).
So I just did clc for Letting go of this imbalance – and got the yellow umbrella – knew quickly it means that I need to look towards my husband. And knowing there will be a husband. Like in how I met your mother. We know Ted finds a wife. There’s knowing certainty and relaxation in that.
So that asks the question. Is that my problem. Do I think I won’t get married? Some parts of me assumes I will. But there is a part of me that fears I won’t … maybe.
And so what with all the clarity this afternoon about putting all my focus into my service. Into impersonal relationships. Into getting all my live from god? I don’t know. Maybe they’re not mutually exclusive. Light god. Help me.
Honestly who knows how this life works. I don’t.
But I am glad that when I make an honest please about something – to God – to help me. I’m rarely disappointed.
I mean have you met my husband?!