INDIVIDUAL STUDY RESULTS
“There is only one consciousness and that is God.
There is only one true source and one true power and we are following that into the Spiritual Heart.
The Joy – that thing that tells us that you are present – the Joy.”
(John-Roger, The Meditation of Perfect Balance 3919)
A Brief Overview of My Individual Study Results
My hypothesis for this study is: If I choose to see and experience life positively and to spend time within, I will experience greater alignment with Spirit, and I will know this by a greater experience of joy. In essence I wanted to find out that if I used daily practical methods designed to assist me in choosing to see and experience life more positively and to spend more time within, would I be aligned with Spirit and know this by the experience of greater joy?
In short my answer is yes. From a detailed analysis of my daily journaling, I observed a significant change in my increased experience of joy when I chose to see and experience my life positively, and a strong correlation between the time I spent within daily with my measured experience of joy daily. I observed that yes, spending more time within gives a greater experience of joy, of alignment with Spirit.
While I used various methods (as already mentioned in Part 3) within my three-year individual study, the results within this section will focus upon the following two methods: (highlighted also in Part 3)
(1) Claiming God Consciousness (CGC) (See Appendix D, tab 11)
(2) Spending Time Within (STW) (See Appendix E, tab 12)
The Supporting Relationships between my Methods and My Hypothesis
My method Claiming God Consciousness (CGC) relates to the following highlighted section of my hypothesis: If I choose to see and experience life positively and to spend time within, I will experience greater alignment with Spirit, and I will know this by a greater experience of joy.
In summary this method is closing one’s eyes, becoming still, moving conscious attention to the tisra til and observing what happens, while having an intention of experiencing and loving God. This conscious intention and action towards aligning with and loving God, is an attempt to bring the conscious mind, awareness or attitude into alignment with God consciousness (for this study and the limited application of this term for this study, I have defined God consciousness as seeing and experiencing everything as from God, as good, as positive). John-Roger describes this attitude of God consciousness well in the following quote from Fulfilling Your Spiritual Promise:
As you discover your spiritual nature, you will find that you become very practical in your approach to life. As you dissolve the illusions and misconceptions with which you have been living, you will find that those things that are real, those things that are true, become clearer and clearer. As you learn to direct yourself into these areas of reality and to bypass illusions, as you express the positive nature of your spiritual self and learn to work with the Light within you, you will move automatically into health, wealth, and happiness. You just cannot miss.
(John-Roger, Fulfilling Your Spiritual Promise: Volume 3, 2006, 962)
So moving in the intention to bring one’s conscious awareness into alignment with God consciousness is also moving towards the intention of seeing God in all things, seeing the good and the positive in all things.
In the first months of using this method I tried to mentally and emotionally control myself to see all things as good, as perfect, and this resulted in ignoring my thoughts and emotions, or suppressing them. Doing this method this way I was still able often to arrive at a positive and joyful experience, however something seemed off and I was aware the same situations kept returning.
I continued to work and play with this method, and simply through repetition, practice and experience, I began to be aware that if I first let go of how I was seeing the situation, and to do my best to simply observe the situation, without any labels or relating to it from any of the emotional or mental perspectives I had previously, that I would achieve a much greater and more noticeable shift towards truly seeing the situation as positive, and for me, and to experiencing joy.
While the following explanation may at first seem semantic and irrelevantly philosophical, this distinction was fundamental to the outcome and success of this method and important to note here before discussing further the results of this method:
Essentially I learnt that I couldn’t get into God consciousness and see everything as positive via mental or emotional manipulation. I became aware that by relaxing, opening myself and observing whatever was going on, together with an intention of being with God and loving God, then I would be shown and guided through the rest. I became aware that this method isn’t as much about seeing and experiencing everything as positive, as it is about seeing and experiencing everything from God consciousness, from an experience and awareness of Spirit. And even though essentially these two ideas are (for the purpose of this study) the same, there is an important distinction that need to be addressed. Essentially I found that an active real-time experience of God will present this new perspective of being able to see the situation as positive, that it is not a mental or emotional process. In God consciousness everything is good and positive, so whatever new perspective I arrive at by looking at it through God consciousness will be good and positive, but that I can’t create that new perspective with my mind or my emotions. It is through an experience with God that the new perspective will be created. I also learnt that this process often involves the letting go of current thoughts and emotions held regarding the situation. Sometimes simply coming into an experience and oneness with God would achieve the appropriate letting go, however sometimes I was directed to do certain things such as forgiveness, or free form writing, or of completing something outstanding, that I would then experience the letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions on the situation. Then the new positive God consciousness perspective would be revealed. I became more aware that this method is also a process of observation, of moving my conscious awareness within myself (to the tisra til), holding my intention of loving God, and observing what happens. (See Appendix F, tab 13 for the following illustrative quotes: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, July 13, 2008; August 4, 2008; October 15, 2008; April 18, 2009; June 11, 2009; June 20, 2010; August 15, 2010)
This is so cool. One of those ahah moments in writing my PT where something became clear that I had never seen before. I feel like I just cracked the code. And I think I just discovered the secret and the last missing piece to the puzzle of my PT.
I was about to write something about shifting my focus from the negative emotions, doubts and fears etc to the positive. And was aware, because of my experience and growing awareness and understanding that in order to clear the negative we must love it, be one with it, and not ignore or suppress it. I’m aware that much of my time over the last few years has been trying to shift my attention from the negative to the positive – and this has lead me to suppress and ignore some aspects of my lower levels. In observing however, and simply being present with myself, I am becoming aware that instead of moving my focus I am serving myself better if I am simply still and I’m aware present and observing the negativity – trusting and knowing that there is joy, peace and love underneath – waiting just behind the negativity and waiting to replace and transmute the negativity if I’ll just be still and present with the negativity for however long is required.
There is only one direction and that is God. That is God Consciousness.
There is only one thing and that is right now. So it’s just about being present with right now and being aware and observing of what is right now.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, September 4, 2010)
This method also incorporates the hypothesis focus of to spend time within, as it’s focus and experience take place within.
My method Spending Time Within (STW), relates to the following highlighted section of my hypothesis: If I choose to see and experience life positively, and spend time within, I will experience greater alignment with Spirit, and I will know this by a greater experience of joy.
Obviously how this method relates to my method is clear. This method is daily spending time in activities where I am connected to myself within: to my relationship with myself, to my relationship with the Spirit, with God, (see Appendix E, tab 12), which is a way that I spend time within.
An Overview of the Results of My Methods and Related Outcomes
By using my method Claiming God Consciousness I experienced more joy and alignment with Spirit. I experienced more joy, more loving, and a greater awareness of my alignment and oneness with God when I did my method Claimed God Consciousness more throughout the day, as measured by my Zscale values. The discussion following uses both journaling insights and awareness over the last year, and tracking and graphs that support and show the impact and change of this method on my daily experience of joy and God.
Similarly, by using the method Spending Time Within I experienced more joy and alignment with Spirit, I experienced more joy, more energy, more peace, and a greater awareness of my alignment with God, when I Spent more Time Within. The discussion below uses my own tracking and resulting graphs to illustrate my experience with the above method and outcomes.
IS Method 1 Claiming God Consciousness: Results and Related Desired Outcomes
The method CGC has been an intense and wonderful adventure, and evolved, changed and transformed through many incarnations, and only became clear in its current form in early 2010. Of course I borrowed insight and awareness from the many various similar methods that I have experienced over the last three years, but it was not really until this last ten week period (June 28 through August 29, 2010) of tracking this new method CGC that I not only become aware of its powerful effect on my awareness and experience, but the experience of its power assisted and comforted me in ways I couldn’t have imagined prior to that time. More than an awareness and experience of being aligned with Spirit and experiencing the joy that that brings, this was an experience of being completely held, carried and protected by the Spirit, knowing and trusting that not only am I one with Spirit, that I am part of Spirit, and that I am here to do Spirit’s work. (See Appendix F, tab 13 for the following illustrative quotes: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, August 9, 2010; August 15, 2010; August 19, 2010; September 4, 2010)
The following graph from my 10 week Individual Study using the method CGC from June 28th through September 6th 2010 clearly speaks for itself. It clearly shows a very strong correlation between my tracking of my use of the method CGC with my tracked daily measurements of joy.
On August 15, 2010 I journaled about the experiences of the previous few days. In summary I learned on August 15, 2010 from my OBGYN that some test results indicated a high probability of ovarian cancer. Together with the fact that my Mum died at age 43 of ovarian cancer, the OBGYN advised that I be rushed into surgery and over the next two days I saw three ovarian cancer and endometriosis specialists. Tears of joy come to my eyes even now as I type this, for the awareness and knowing that I now have as a result of this experience. And for the gratitude I have for this method, for God Consciousness, and for my ability to choose it and to claim it. Despite what most people would easily call a negative and devastating time, by using CGC, I was able to experience joy, love and my oneness with the Spirit:
This time in bed (with endometriosis) has been the biggest blessing. I feel like I have a lover now (God). I have a partner and he’s with me absolutely all the time, and he’s there for me always and helping and assisting me always. The time spent doing nothing, just in bed on my computer or watching DVDs, has afforded me so much time to relax, and so much time to close my eyes and really use my CGC process in a consistent real way. And more than that, in those couple of days where I thought that I had ovarian cancer, the experience that I now have that everything is going to be ok – because I exist and I live in a place where everything is always ok, where everything is always perfect – and that is within, with God, within my own God consciousness. More than any other time in my life I’ve been able to really consistently go within and be aware of and be consciously and vividly aware of looking down on my life and knowing that it is all good. And more than good it’s perfect. It’s for me and it’s been brought forward for my absolute highest good.
Particularly when I got off the phone from the OBGYN after she told me that my screening for ovarian cancer was off the charts and they wanted to rush me into surgery, more than ever before I realized that God consciousness, that living in a joyful, loving consciousness and state of being is simply a choice. Mind you for 10 seconds I did completely freak out and was overcome with anxiety and just energy, nervous crazy negative energy, until I remembered that I didn’t want that running, cursing through my body. Now more than ever I needed positive energy in and around me on all levels. I need the experience of joy, of love, of peace, of calm, or the Spirit and of God. And in a way I had never experience I observed myself simply moving into that consciousness, into that experience. And I’m crying now as I write this, because I can see what this means. It means that I trust in the Spirit. I trust that everything is going to be ok. And I trust myself that I can do whatever it takes to take care of myself and to line up with and follow the Spirit. I trust that I am one with God and that he has me.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, August 15, 2010)
The following journal entry from July 5, 2010 illustrates how using this method CGC has helped to increase my peace and relaxation – which is my measurement of joy in the physical, further showing that when I use CGC I am more peaceful, more joyful and more aligned with Spirit:
Claiming God Consciousness has been amazing. It’s truly helping me get above my life and look at it all, look at everything going on from this place of higher altitude – seeing the perfection and the good – seeing it all through the Lord’s eyes – through God consciousness. I’m able to very quickly draw my attention to GC and to get into the joy, get into the body relaxation and peace that is the energy of the soul, energy of Spirit.
And when I’m feeling out of balance, in my negativity – if I take the time to go within, and I still often don’t, I try to keep going solving my life mentally or emotionally, but the times that I go within and am unabashedly and honestly present with God and ask what’s next. When I move into my loving and wait to see what’s next. The shift takes place. Sometimes now too I automatically now chant my tone. Or other times I’m aware of something I need to do, like do the laundry, or make a phone call I’ve been putting off … and to watch the energy shift in those apparently unrelated tasks or things has been mindblowing. I’m learning to trust my own inner guidance, and I’m aware of a greater sense of peace and inner knowing that truly everything is going to be ok. I’m going to be ok. It’s all and everything is ok.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, July 5, 2010)
And the following journal entry from July 20, 2010 describes the growing experience of joy and of my experience of my oneness with God as a result of using my method CGC:
It’s like the power is building, I just have to close my eyes and go within, become still and present and observe within and the next step will be there even before I am …
It’s seriously a habit, like sports, like practicing to get good at something. Initially I wasn’t really aware or in touch with what it meant to go inside and be one with myself inside. But now after closing my eyes, being still, just letting go of the physical world and coming present with the me that is within, the me that is God, this practice has created a strength and a power that is often an instant communion and experience with God. an instant and powerful smile, experience of joy, of love, of peace that instantly floods my body as soon as I remember to close my eyes and go within. God I love you so much. God I’m in love.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, July 20, 2010)
IS Method 2 Spending Time Within: Results and Related Desired Outcomes
My experience of my method STW is less dynamic than that of my method CGC, yet equally if not more powerful in terms of its effect on my desired results, on my experience of joy and alignment with Spirit.
My guess is that this is because this method in some form has been one I’ve been using my whole life. For in essence this method is about taking care of myself, of going within to be taken care of by the Spirit within and every night when we sleep that is one example of how we daily spend time within. It’s also worth observing here how obvious the positive benefits are of taking care of oneself by spending time within by sleeping. If I have spent a week without enough sleep I begin to feel irritable and less joyful in general. Even after one night of say only a few hours sleep instead of a usual eight or nine, my perception of the world can be dramatically less than positive, and the day just seems harder and definitely less joyful.
It is no large surprise to me that this method was very effective and the following three graphs (listed below with an explanation for each) show very clearly just how effective this method was; that by using the method Spending Time Within I experienced more joy and alignment with Spirit, I did experience more joy, more energy, more peace, and a greater awareness of my alignment with God.
(1) Graph: Method Spending Time Within: During this ten week period from June 28 through September 6, 2010 I tracked the total time I spent within as measured by the sum of the various STW activities I engaged in that day, and this graph compares that measurement of this method with my zscale measurement of joy for that day. Clearly an observable correlation exists.
Graph ‘Method Spending Time Within’ for the 10 week period June 28, 2010 through September 6, 2010 follows.
I have also been tracking time spent doing Spiritual Exercises, which is one of my activities for my method STW, for almost the full three years of the Doctorate program. During this time my measurements of benefits and outcomes did change, however for the period October 2007 through January 2009 I measured and tracked the same four outcomes per described above. (At times I used slightly different terms for each of the four levels, but the theme of joy experienced in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels remained constant throughout this time.)
Graphing my tracking during this period, plotting time spent in spiritual exercises versus each of the four measurements of joy: relaxation physically, joy emotionally, enthusiasm mentally, and grace spiritually, shows a strong correlation with time spent in SEs, and therefore STW with the experience of joy, including also individually with each of the experiences of relaxation, joy, enthusiasm and grace.
My overall experience of joy increased from a Zscale (scale of 1.0 to 9.0) average of approximately 5.0 to 8.0 over around eighteen months, that correlates with an average time of approximately 40 minutes of SEs per day to approximately 60 minutes per day shows a strong positive effect of STW on my experience of joy.
(2) Graph: Spiritual Exercises (SEs): Sub-method of Spending Time Within, Graph 1: From tracking the amount of time spent in SEs (which is one of the activities I used for my method STW) compared with my zscale measurements of joy as experienced in each of the four levels: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, which are peace, joy, enthusiasm and grace respectively. This graph is for the sixteen month period from October 22, 2007 through January 29, 2009. While it easier to see the correlation between the average of each of these measurements of joy tracked against the time spent in SEs, (see (3) graph below) it is still apparent that the trending of the values expressed by the time spent doing spiritual exercises, is similar to the patterns found in each of the four measurements of joy, per the Zscale measurements for each.
Graph ‘Spiritual Exercises, Graph 1’ for the sixteen-month period October 22, 2007 through January 29, 2009 follows. (Spiritual Exercises is one of the sub-methods used for my method Spending Time Within.)
(3) Graph: Spiritual Exercises: Sub-method of Spending Time Within, Graph 2: In this graph it is easier to see that the tracking over this sixteen month period of my time spent in SEs resembles and correlates with my measured experience of joy.
Graph: Spiritual Exercises: Graph 2 for the sixteen-month period October 22, 2007 through January 29, 2009 follows. (Spiritual Exercises is one of the sub-methods used for my method Spending Time Within.)
During the three years of my research the following key insights from my journaling show the significant affect of using this method STW and its impact on my life in many positive ways, including my experience of joy and awareness of Spirit.
This journal entry from the third month of my research describes my starting point well:
I get out of bed and feel like I have to go straight to work cause I don’t have enough time in the day to get everything done. And I work or play till the end of the day until I’m exhausted, and too tired even to do my taking care of myself activities, let alone time to enjoy and be with myself.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, December 1, 2007)
Through my journaling I was able to more clearly see that when I took excellent care of myself by spending time with myself within, connected and recharging with Spirit, that seemingly negative things could happen around me and I wouldn’t be affected – almost to the point that I could instantly see the blessing in the situation, and would then just hold for other people, or move to the clearing of the negativity, or just move to the next thing. (See Appendix F, tab 13 for the following illustrative quotes: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, September 21, 2009; December 14, 2009; April 19, 2010; July 15, 2010)
I’ve discovered that when I’m lazy and don’t put time and effort into my relationship with Spirit – into consciously taking care of myself, spending time in the things that fill me up with Spirit and love – that’s I’m out of balance. My mind and emotions then take over and play havoc with me.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, November 17, 2008)
The following experience is another example of the profound effect of this method, and its profound impact on my experience of joy and awareness of Spirit. This particular experience refers to a Spiritual Warriors screening we did at the Body Mind Spirit Expo in Pasadena, as well as manning a tradeshow booth there for 16 hours over Saturday and Sunday. In my previous experience working at trade shows and expos (meeting and being available to so many people can be challenging and easy to pick up negativity), I am often left feeling like I’ve been run over a train, or at the very least much less joyful than usual. However, the grace and ease with which I walked through this particular experience really showed me just how important it is to take care of myself by spending time within, with the Spirit:
I’ve really seen lately how spending the time resting, doing SEs, listening to SATS, discourses etc really helps keep me balanced and enables me to live in a state of grace and ease.
Examples are taking care of myself during the BMS expo in Pasadena and not getting junked up like I have in the past. So much grace and ease that went on that weekend – was really amazing.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, September 21, 2009)
While it is both common sense and a primary teaching of MSIA to spend time connected with Spirit, using and tracking my method STW brought forward a much deeper understanding and experience of this and the awareness of how important it is to take care of myself by spending time connected to Spirit. Experiences like the five weeks of filming The Wayshower in Utah with my bosses in April and May of 2010 gave me one of the most tangible and visceral experience of how spending time connected within truly helps me to stay aligned with Spirit and brings forward the joy and love that results. Further I was able to very clearly see that depending on how much time I had been spending taking care of myself, I would react very differently to situations. Particularly in stressful challenging situations, depending on whether I had been taking care of myself or not, I would react to the stress and challenge very differently. Basically, if I was taking care of myself and spending time within I was able to react in joy and loving; and if I had not been taking care of myself the result was emotional and mental imbalance and much less joy than usual. (See Appendix F, tab 13 for the following illustrative quotes: Golighlty, Unpublished Journals, April 3, 2010; April 19, 2010; April 27, 2010; May 1, 2010) The following journal entry illustrates this idea well:
Wow so tired. This is really challenging to work like all day – seriously from 9am this morning til now 12.40AM – with small breaks for eating – no exercise – and I just want to eat all day.
AND I did really awesome today. I didn’t eat perfectly but I did eat positively. I consulted within and made health balanced choices. And in the moments I had, like going to the restroom I closed my eyes and chanted my tone and did some quick SEs. I was just so aware that I was being drained in many senses and I needed to fill myself back up.
So it wasn’t the happiest best day ever, but given the situation, I did really great, and looked after myself really well. I also drank lots of water and took my vitamins, and that level of taking care of myself helped too I think. I was conscious that the more time I could spend taking care of myself, focused on myself and going within to recharge with Spirit, the more equipped I would be to handle whatever was going on. Great win considering how crazy today was. Omg.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, April 12, 2008)
Wow so I’ve had quite an intense day. Had this awesome experience earlier today where I woke up really funky, so didn’t really center or take time for myself, didn’t do any SEs or take time getting ready, just got ready and rushed out the door. So when I had a small disagreement with my boss this morning I felt this incredible heaviness, hurt feelings, doubt and discouragement. So I got in my car – knew I needed space and to clear my head and to clear myself in general – so went with the Spirit and followed where the energy was leading me. Thought I might go to a café and journal, but instead parked alongside this beautiful tree next to a motel and did some SEs. Was aware of a headache, and aware of a demon that was attached to around the top of my head and I cleared that with J-R’s help. Was so great and wonderful and expanding. Felt the energy clear and my headache disappear. And just felt my energy and my life restored inside. Am alive and in my knowing of being with God, being with Spirit is what sustains, breathes and powers me, and in coming back within to do SEs and spend time with the Lord, was the greatest food and fuel I needed to keep going.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, May 1, 2008)
And further that at the Living in Grace retreat in December 2009 my heightened intention to do the training by spending more time within myself, spending time by myself and focused within rather than being more focused on chatting and socializing. The result was a dramatically greater experience of joy and awareness of and oneness with Spirit.
This LIG has been so powerful. This time spent within has been so freeing. Beyond words. Usually I’m miss social butterfly and for whatever reason that’s not present this year and I’ve given myself the gift of spending more time in silence this year and the result has been breathtaking. I’m falling in love with myself in a way that I haven’t before and the result is that I’m in love with everyone when I’m in love with myself. it’s the sweetest most subtle yet potent and all-pervading thing. To be in this place of acceptance and loving with myself, and to observe it naturally and effortlessly extend to all things and all people.
In this place I’m so aware I truly don’t need anything else. I just need the Spirit. and from this place right now I am married, I’m married to myself and to God and this is the most fulfilling way I could imagine.
(Golightly, Unpublished Journals, December 14, 2009)
The following specific activities as sub-methods of STW have given me powerful reference points and experiences of taking care of myself by spending time within helps me to live in greater joy and alignment with Spirit:
(1) Exercising (See Appendix F, tab 13 for journal quotes illustrating my experience with exercising: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, November 21, 2009; January 6, 2009; June 10, 2009; July 15, 2010)
(2) Journaling and free form writing (See Appendix F, tab 13 for journal quotes illustrating my experience with journaling and free form writing: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, January 16, 2009; May 11, 2009)
(3) Spiritual Exercises (See Appendix F, tab 13 for journal quotes illustrating my spiritual exercises: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, January 26, 2009; September 21, 2009; January 5, 2010; May 1, 2010; July 15, 2010)
(4) Listening to spiritual tapes, reading spiritual books and going to spiritual events (See Appendix F, tab 13 for illustrating journal quotes: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, August 9, 2009; September 21, 2009; December 14, 2009; January 5, 2010; April 3, 2010; July 15, 2010)
Conversely my experiences of the times when I didn’t choose to spend time within and take care of myself, I experienced less joy and greater imbalance in my mind and emotions. (See Appendix F, tab 13 for the following illustrative quotes: Golightly, Unpublished Journals, November 17, 2008; January 28, 2009; February 15, 2009; February 21, 2009; March 4, 2009; May 12, 2010)
Validating My Hypothesis
The results and observations outlined throughout Part Four clearly validate my hypothesis: If I choose to see and experience life positively and to spend time within, I will experience greater alignment with Spirit, and I will know this by a greater experience of joy.
It is clear to see the connection between both choosing to see and experience my life positively and spending time with myself within have given me the kind of joy I have been searching for my whole life. They have given me practical ways to help me live in greater alignment with Spirit, and I have come to know this through many levels of awareness that are being unfolded, but most importantly through my experience of joy.
And more than just give me greater experiences of joy and awareness of Spirit, spending time with and exploring, discovering and playing with these and related methods has given me a much greater understanding of what joy and what alignment with the Spirit is. I have been learning how to live and choose for real joy, rather than the joy I get from chocolate and ice-cream, or from having someone praise me or think I’m doing a good job. I am learning to live my life for Spirit, motivated by the joy and love that only Spirit can bring, and inspired by my love for Spirit and the will to do His work in this world.