Category Archives: health

Timeless Wisdoms, Protection and Guidance

sharing your darkness … means you need to bring it into the Light

So I started a video blog 31 days ago. Today will be day 32.

It was something that I intuitively was aware I needed to do, for over a year, but wasn’t sure why or if I really should. I mean talk about getting naked and vulnerable, and would it really serve anything or add value to me and my process?

So I didn’t come to any conclusion about that before starting, except that I knew it would hold me accountable to myself in a more powerful way than before. I have journaled, and I also blogged my journaling from time to time, but I knew that if I made the commitment and shared it through video online, then I would most probably be more inclined to follow through and do it daily.

And yes that was true. Holding myself accountable in that way has definitely been valuable, but the value that I see now has been much more transformational and life-changing than I had anticipated.

My challenges with food, eating disorders and body-image have dominated my inner life for well over 20 years now. I’m 34 now, and I clearly remember turning to food and binging and learning to throw up when my Mum was sick and when she died, but I also remember really not liking my body well before that as well. And I don’t think most of the closest people in the world have known this until now.

Why have I kept these challenges to myself, and why have I not felt that I could share and seek help from loved ones? I don’t really have these answers, except that I do know that I have been very attached to everyone seeing me as competent, confident, ok, strong, and successful. I have also in some way, felt that my love from the people in my life depends on them thinking those things. And while I know rationally that that’s not the truth – that the loved ones in my life will and do love me even though I’m not perfect, and even if I’m not always competent, confident, ok, strong and successful … there has been an irrational subconscious part of me that has defended and protected myself and my ability to get love and be loved, by not showing this challenged, suffering area of my life to anyone.

So somehow or someway, the more wise and loving part of me knew that this video blog would of course blow the lid off my hiding and trying to protect the world from seeing my imperfection and challenges. But I didn’t anticipate how healing and transformational stepping out into the open, into the Light, into awareness, would be.

I have learnt so many things about myself, but mostly I am learning to trust my oneness and my co-creatorship with God. I am learning that I can relax and let go and that God will come in on my intention and loving and create my life and my experience for me, with miracles and magic far greater than any fantasy or imagination.

This was my prayer right from the beginning of this most recent journey. After I started throwing up again late last year, and it escalated to a point where I thought I perhaps needed to check myself into rehab, my prayer became: God you’ve got to help me and do this for me. My way is not the way. My pushing, controlling, manipulating, and forcing myself into some new diet, or some new program, or some new exercise plan / cleanse / fast / system … is not the way. I want to relax and learn to trust myself and to learn to trust that I will take care of myself and love myself into the most beautiful and perfect form for me. I want to relax and learn to trust myself that this body is perfect for me and that I am co-creating it with God in the most perfect way to be the most perfect channel for Spirit and love on this planet for me.

This idea of ‘perfect for me’ has also been useful and powerful, and helped me to move out of comparison with other people or things, but to move into the alignment of my relationship with God and my own unique perfect manifestation of my life and my journey. Acceptance and loving for where I am, and a knowing that everything is truly perfect right now, and has been brought forward from God, for me, for right now.

So this process through my video blog has brought such Light and awareness on myself and my life, and I can see myself and my life much more clearly. What I have also been able to see, is the amount of shame and guilt I had created relating to this part of my life also. Not only was I using so much of my precious time and energy to hide and mask myself into something that I wasn’t, but in this action of hiding and dishonesty, I was feeding such guilt and shame that I simply wasn’t consciously aware of.

So as I share every day, talking openly and honestly about what my process is and has been, I am naturally moving into a profound level of acceptance and loving for myself and my process. Instead of hiding from it, dreading the day that anyone would ever know about this dark side of my life … I am now each day stepping into further healing and releasing of the shame and guilt that I have created, and am stepping further into the awareness and experience that I am ok, that with all my flaws, mistakes and imperfections, that I am loved and I am ok.

I knew the idea of doing this video was big. But I did not foresee the immensity and beauty of the gifts I would receive in doing so.

Thank you to everyone for all their love and Light along the way. It is truly and indeed received. And my love and Light goes out to each of you for all that you are, and all that you are walking through.

Love you all,


talking to God

Larchmont farmers market

Larchmont farmers market

[I felt inspired and excited to go to the farmers market at Larchmont this morning. I was tired and relaxed with what today would hold for me, and after chatting with God after I woke up, I was blessed and inspired by the sweet serendipities that blessed my morning. From getting a park (which during the Larchmont farmers market is indeed miraculous), to the busker at the market playing my favorite songs.]

I’m so aware in this moment that my big key right now for moving and change and releasing addiction is to in a consistent, authentic way speak to and ask God for what I want – talking to God, listening to God, being with God in these areas of my life.

“We receive not because we ask not”. And if we receive not even when we’re asking, for me it is great counsel to look at what are my motivations for asking and what is it that I’m truly asking for.

In essence, and in my experience as much as I can decipher, it is that I am always asking for love. To be loved, to be loving, to be love. To experience, know, be aware of love and of ourselves as loving … manifests in, maybe, every single want, desire, need on the planet.

And if love only lives within – if the only love that is real and everlasting – only comes from within ourselves – comes from ourselves – from our direct connection to Spirit and God within – is there any need? Any want that is worth paying attention to? Why not just pay attention and get busy at getting my love from within?

Well for me where this becomes challenging is that living in this ideal doesn’t take into consideration the patterns and desires and implications of being a human being. There are things we’ve come to experience and create and develop … as ways to know ourselves in greater ways of that loving that is the Spirit.

So my quest over the last couple of weeks has been to bring myself into greater harmony with this want and need to be beautiful and thin, and for my addictive patterns of wanting to get love, comfort, escape and satisfaction from food.

These two things for me: trying to get my love from food, and trying to get my love from the idea that if I am thin and beautiful I will be loved by others, and therefore I will be loved. These are addictions that I have been given to assist me in learning more fully how to have compassion for myself as human, how to love it all, and how to overcome the challenge and the temptation to get my love from outside of myself.

This is not a new awareness for me. However granting myself permission to truly forgive myself for my humanness, and to extend a phenomenal new level of compassion to myself and my addictive patterns, is.

And while I have used a myriad of techniques and tips and tricks trying to transcend these addictive patterns, to try and teach myself to get my love from within and not from without, my recent focus of simply putting it in God’s hands and asking for what I want, has brought me the most peace and movement forward in this area.

I think what’s key here for me is the fact that I am going directly to the source – the ‘formless’ – for my guidance and assistance.

God has brought so much loving and insight through in so many various forms – in teachings and ideas and programs and techniques and plans and methods to overcome addiction – yet they are all ‘form’.

We are all so unique, all so directly connected to God, that for me recently to step into a truly unknowing place, a completely open and receptive place of “God I don’t know how to do this. Please do it for me, with me and through me.” An ongoing dialogue every day, as much as I can, to go within and ask God to clear and balance these addictions. To love me and teach me through this process. To upgrade my behavior, thoughts and experience to a higher alignment and vibration of you.

And so for the past couple of weeks my experience has been challenging, still so much doubt and so much inner conflict of wanting these things of the physical world, and wanting to make the right choice and the disappointment and condemnation when I feel like I’m falling short. And yet very slowly and subtly I am aware of my ability to forgive myself for these inevitable fallings down. I am aware of serendipitous ways in which I am attracting support for healthy eating and exercise and other ways to take care of myself – to fill and lift myself up with my loving within. And I am through chatting with God, through asking God so often throughout the day – for help and guidance – I am starting to be more aware of his presence in my relationship with food and with these issues.

I am more and more that because I am spending time with him in asking him to be with me through this and assist me through this – I am more aware that I am not alone and that I am not fighting an uphill battle that is futile and doomed on every level. Its a subtle but powerful sense that God is in this with me and I am much more trusting and believing that I will see a successful resolution to this. That I will not be fighting with myself for the rest of my life – pushing, controlling and contorting myself into a particular body image or a particular set of rules about food and being skinny.

My intention is that through grace – that this process be easy, relaxed, natural and joyful – that I gracefully discover a new balance, a new rhythm and harmony with food and with my body image. That God will serendipitously lead me there and that it will be easy and fun. There is no will power or rules needed. Just grace, love and trust, fueled by my energy, time and intention to speak with God, to ask God, to listen to God, and to my very best ability to cooperate with and align with God.

So I’m excited to see how it will continue to unravel … but so far over the last couple of weeks I feel much more peaceful and trusting of myself.

Light to the continued journey … to be continued.

“As you practice spiritual techniques, you become more and more familiar with the flow of energy patterns that manifest within your consciousness. As you become more familiar with the many levels of your consciousness, you feel more comfortable with yourself and with others in relation to yourself. By continually working with the energies inside ofyou, you learn to recognize what they are, their purpose, their function, their direction. You relax more and more with your own beingness, bringing forward a greater integration of all the levels of yourself.

As this happens, you are no longer at the mercy of your physical habit patterns, emotional addictions, mental games, or unconscious urgings. You are able to successfully direct yourself into more positive patterns of behavior and expression.”

- John-Roger

Erik Kufs, Larchmont Farmers Market
Eric Kufs on MySpace


upgrading my addictions to God

So I’ve been journaling daily recently with the aim of ‘Upgrading My Addictions to God’.

Tonight after dinner, after I’d finished and was full, clearly not physically hungry anymore, I wanted to keep eating, and was so aware of a part of myself that was still hungry.

So I dialogued, journaled with this part of myself, and covered some very interesting ground.

In essence what came forward was a drive or desire to put on weight, so that I didn’t have to compete and compare and play the game of being beautiful and physically attractive. This part of me is so tired, so sick of giving so much importance and status to what I look like and if I’m beautiful and thin compared with today’s Los Angeles standards.
So I thanked this aspect of myself’s input and then began exploring what other ways could I protect and take care of myself by not stressing myself out through this physical comparison and competition – that is both fortunately and unfortunately self-inflicted.

The alternative that came to Light was that I could change my focus in life. Clearly part of my consciousness is very focused, and yes at times obsessed, with competing on the level of this physical body. And the new alternative was that I could focus upon my existence as a divine spiritual being.

I am so aware that I am here on this Earth to shine and share the love of God, the love that is God, and to in whatever ways that present themselves, to be part of the lifting of the consciousness of this planet.
Why not walk into the grocery store with the clear intention of radiating that loving vibration, open and conscious of connecting and sharing my Light with those I encounter?

Why not focusing on bringing forward my greatest loving and unconditionality when meeting someone new, instead of focusing on is my hair looking ok?

Why not remembering that this person is in my life at this very moment for a very perfect particular reason and that we are here to lift and serve each other, rather than worrying about what they’re thinking about what I said yesterday, or how my ass looks in this skirt?

So I decided I needed a new reminder and focus: a new visceral tangible role that would help me to keep conscious that I am here to love and be loved. The focus I came up with was that I am Zoe Golightly – which means to be a “messenger of grace”. (Zoe means – spiritual life as awakened through the Christ: i.e. grace, and Golightly means to go swiftly, to be a messenger of).

OK now this is going to sound completely out there, completely vain and self-obsessed but again – not my concern – my concern is creating a focus that will practically and successfully help me to remember my intention and reality here as a soul and a messenger of grace …

So what has come forward has been to start to visualize the end of my life – and even further than that – but to visualize 2000 years after my life – and to read in the history books of the love and beauty, the service and contribution that the woman Zoe Golightly made on the planet Earth during the years she was alive. Like we look back on Jesus’ life and his immense historical reference point – I am beginning to imagine and create that my life – the life of Zoe Golightly – impacted and helped to lift the loving on planet Earth in ways that will be remembered 2000 years after my passing.
That is the kind of focus I want. I want to do whatever I can to remind and encourage and inspired myself to adopt the same continual profound loving focus that Jesus Christ held when he walked this Earth.

It’s out there I know. And I’m claiming it. I’m asking God for all his love and Light in assisting me with this intention. I’m asking for God’s love and Light for us all, for us all to claim our places as heirs to the Kingdom that is love, is God, is heaven.

“As you practice spiritual techniques, you become more and more familiar with the flow of energy patterns that manifest within your consciousness. As you become more familiar with the many levels of your consciousness, you feel more comfortable with yourself and with others in relation to yourself. By continually working with the energies inside of you, you learn to recognize what they are, their purpose, their function, their direction. You relax more and more with your own beingness, bringing forward a greater integration of all the levels of yourself.

As this happens, you are no longer at the mercy of your physical habit patterns, emotional addictions, mental games, or unconscious urgings. You are able to successfully direct yourself into more positive patterns of behavior and expression.”

- John-Roger

the adventure in the routine

As you all know I love to juice.

I created this combo this morning and had to blog about it.

Watermelon lemon and ginger juice

Watermelon lemon and ginger juice

1/2 small watermelon.
2 lemons.
4 oz ginger. yes that’s a lot of ginger.

Makes about 3/4 Litre.

I’m all about drinking a lot of lemon because of it’s alkalizing effects, and ginger is like medicine for me (and other O blood types).

I use all organic ingredients because I get everything from my local farmers market. Which I can’t recommend highly enough. Not only is the produce so much fresher and will last so much longer, but it’s cheaper, and it brings in this community feeling to your life that is really appreciated among so many other impersonal, commercial aspects of living in 2011.

It’s the little things in life. The adventure within the routine. The surprise within the known and planned.

I wasn’t sure whether watermelon would go with lemon and ginger. But that’s what made the adventure.

It’s been so great taking more time to be with myself, love myself and nurture myself. In the past when it gets busy in my life I would let go of taking care of myself in these sweet subtle ways. Juicing does take time, but come on, not that much time.

It’s been a long road, and it’s still winding but I’m committed to loving myself and taking care of myself first, knowing that it is because of this that I can serve, can love, and can be the Light I wish to be for others.

“Experience the devotion to yourself that allows you to take care of yourself.”
John-Roger, (From: Living Love from the Spiritual Heart, p. 28)

Complete what you start if you want more energy

If I ever needed encouragement to take the trash out of my car this is it.  I walked past this car this afternoon.  That’s right this isn’t for a movie, and it’s not a prank.  This was just on the side of the road.

Leaving loose ends in your life is like leaving loose trash in your car, it builds up and steals your energy, space and freedom

Leaving loose ends in your life is like leaving loose trash in your car, it builds up and steals your energy, space and freedom

I have been more mindful recently about completing each day. For me this means simply putting everything away from the day, so that when I wake up tomorrow my space is clear and open and my head and energy is clear and open to get energized and excited about this new and fresh day.

This may be common sense and old news to so many. But for me, this is actually a new win for me, and has been a major revelation. I unfortunately was born with the natural disposition of wanting to come home from work and throw my clothes and bags on the floor. Then make dinner and leave dishes in the sink til morning … soaking of course, but none the less not complete but waiting til tomorrow. And I would stay up on the computer and leave my office midway through emails, projects, with paper and notes laid all across my desk.

Then when things get busy, and busier, I notice that somehow the next morning I don’t manage to get those clothes in the dirty clothes basket, the dishes pile up in the sink, and who knows how many open projects I have from one side of my desk to the other.

As much as I had to laugh at this car FULL of trash … sometimes I have let my apartment and my life build up with incompletions that have cluttered my life, my mind and my energy just as effectively.

So my new habit of completing each day. Simply just putting everything away before I go to bed at night has been a revelation.

When it comes down to it … it’s actually the little things in life. The simple things that can make the most profound differences.

the day my Doctor told me I may have cancer …

So this little gem was sent to me this morning:

“Imagine your way to vibrant health.

We already do a good job of imagining our way to illness. If this process of life is here for us to learn and grow and we can enter into illness, we can reverse the process and enter into health because the path doesn’t go one way, it stays open. If we feel like we’re stepping out of the Light, we can step right back into it again and go on and keep lifting up into the higher consciousness.

The Light and the Spirit are with everyone at all times, regardless. All we are doing is activating it.”

- John-Roger, from Living the Spiritual Principles of Health & Well-Being

John-Roger my wayshower, at a booksigning and workshop for Living the Spiritual Principles of Health & Well-Being

John-Roger my wayshower, at a booksigning and workshop for Living the Spiritual Principles of Health & Well-Being

I had a profound experience of this when I got sick last year and there was a day where my Doctor led me to believe that I may have cancer … it turned out all was OK, I’m healthy, completely and totally well now … but for that one day between getting the preliminary test results and then the conclusive test results that gave me the all clear … it was a very very enlightening and powerful day for me.

It went something like this … I completely freaked out, went into panic and let dread, fear and doubt overcome me for about 10 seconds … and then I quickly realized omg, what am I creating here!?! With these thoughts and these emotions … what I need now is love, joy and peace running and cursing through my veins, cause if I don’t already have cancer I knew I’d soon be creating it with those thoughts and emotions …

It was beyond words for me to experience that all the work I’ve been putting into myself over the last 14 years studying with John-Roger and MSIA, learning about Soul Transcendence, the Light … that I have created a consciousness that only falls down for a few moments, even in the scariest of situations, and then gets right back on top of that horse called ‘grace’ and keeps riding her into the sunset. It was truly one of the best days of my life. It was a continual moment by moment exercise in conscious choice. And I chose love. I chose to consciously love myself and be joyful and peaceful with and in myself … relaxing my body, keeping my thoughts positive, and loving and trusting my life and its path.

If you’re not already a firm believer that you are creating your health, or creating your illness, you really need to educate yourself and the sooner the better. That sounds harsh and a little direct … sorry about that. It just came in that way ;) This book will change your life. And maybe even save it. I know I’m a little dramatic today … something in the air I guess. But do yourself a favor and check out this book: ‘Living the Spiritual Principles of Health & Well-Being’ … you can get it at Amazon. And you can read a couple of chapters for free on facebook.

And if you’re in LA, stay tuned for more info about the FREE workshop + Q&A + booksigning with John-Roger*, Paul Kaye and Jsu Garcia at the Bodhi Tree, West Hollywood, April 2nd, 2pm – 5pm. More info: FREE workshop with J-R @ Bodhi Tree … coming soon facebook events that you can share with friends …

*John-Roger will attend health and schedule permitting

having more energy

One of my biggest shifts recently has been from eating for calories, or eating for wanting to be skinny, or maybe eating for taste, or for escape, or for trying to control at least something in this crazy day that I seem to be having … to my new conscious intention for eating, which is eating for energy.

It sounds common sense and matter of fact, but with the recent awareness of it, I’m amazed how habitually I begin to choose what to eat based on almost one hundred other factors before ‘eating for energy’, for life, for vitality and health.

I was inspired to write this blog after creating another inspired kitchen creation this morning. I’m letting my body tell me what I want to eat, and I’m taking away all restrictions and limitations and rather moving to a place of trust and knowing about my body and my ability to choose health for me and my body.

So I was in the kitchen this morning, it was around 9.30am and I wasn’t that hungry yet but felt tired and sluggish. Very clearly ‘ginger’ came in. I love ginger and its like my ‘new caffeine’ (seeing as I no longer drink coffee or any kind of caffeinated beverages … oh and yes that’s a whole other blog … I will write that one sometime soon). So I just kept listening while looking into my fridge, into my cupboards to see what resonated and what made sense to me and my body given I wanted to get going on taking advantage of this beautiful LA sunny Sunday morning.

So given I’d chosen ginger I decided to go with a smoothie of some kind and then coconut water came in loud and clear. I wasn’t so sure about how ginger and coconut water would go … but I was in my place of trusting so I went with it.

Ice cubes, then bee pollen, then almond butter and finally frozen bananas followed.

And the final destination … a sweet spicy tropical paradise … filled with super energy and buzz.

And it’s now 1:15 and I’m only just starting to get hungry again … a powerful sustaining way to start the day.

Ginger + Banana Super Energy Smoothie
1 massive chunk of ginger (peeled and cut into pieces)
1/2 cup of coconut water (just from a carton is fine, but choose one that doesn’t have anything else added, just plain coconut water)
1/2 tablespoon bee pollen
1/2 tablespoon almond butter
6 ice cubes
1 frozen banana (cut into pieces)
Blend completely, pour and drink!!!

Trusting oneself is powerful. Particularly when it includes ignoring the usual habitual responses, the usual limiting thoughts and emotions … and really holding for and holding into that higher intelligence that lives within. And this new focus of ‘eating for energy’ for what my body wants to make the most out of this incredible day that I’ve been given … has been leaking into other areas of my life. It’s so true that once you make a change in one area, that health and growth then starts expanding and resonating through all the others …

much love and Light,

green tea

Hey dear ones,

This is a super simple one, and depending on whether you like the taste or not, may or may not work for you :)

I got hooked on green tea when I lived in Japan. of course. And it did take me a while to not only get used to the taste but to actually be able to say yes I enjoy drinking this. But it did happen, and now I absolutely love it.

I’ve noticed often that people make green tea WAY TOO STRONG and hence it’s bitter and tastes awful. It should actually be a very faint yellowish green – not a murky dark green swamp like color :) This little hint can prove to be hugely helpful.

I just googled some of the health benefits of green tea, not to mention if you’re drinking green tea it usually means you’re NOT drinking coffee :)

To sum up, here are just some of the medical conditions in which drinking green tea has been (found via scientific research) to be helpful for:
rheumatoid arthritis
high cholesterol levels
cariovascular disease
impaired immune function
tooth decay
symptoms from colds and influenza
liver disease
blood sugar regulation
inflammatory bowel disease
high colesterol

AMAZING wouldn’t you say :)

love you all,

more information of all of the following medical conditions and how green tea may be helpful can be found in the following 2 links:

anyone else waking up tired?

hey dear ones,

so what’s up for me right now is … ‘why am i so tired?’ so i just did what i often do when i have something i’d like help with – i searched for an inspiring quote from Dr. John-Roger, and this is what i found …

‘When you don’t have sufficient energy and you’re too tired, look at what you’ve started and what you haven’t completed. Every one of those projects demands a level of energy.’

this so completely applies to me right now, and is the perfect reminder for me. when i get into busy phases with work and life, i tend to think i don’t have enough time to complete what i’m doing – and i’m continually moving onto the next thing to do! do! do!.

right now my email inbox is out of control, i have stuff all through my car from past events that i need to put away, my inbox on my desk is overflowing and my expenses, reimbursements reports are due from March 31 … it goes on. and i continue starting new things, without completing all of these old things …

and while yes there have been some urgent things that needed to be done immediately – i have then used that to ignore all the old things i haven’t completed, and as a result, i feel so tired, so overwhelmed, that i’m not able to effectively move forward and get things done. like my power supply somehow has been pulled …

as i’m talking about getting things done, i’m also reminded of another mentor of mine – David Allen, also a student of Dr. John-Roger’s – i just jumped on his website for more inspiration – – and found one of my favorite Productivity Coaches and good friend – Kelly Forrister has an incredible blog all about this kind of work:

i absolutely love the David Allen system and his book ‘Getting Things Done’. i actually used to work for ‘Franklin Covey’ for many years – who are considered one of the global leaders in time management and personal effectiveness – however i have to say i think David’s system is more practical and transformative and a far better system. there’s also a ‘Getting Things Done’ facebook group that you can join.

but just like all good systems – you have to USE it in order for it to work – so this is a great reminder for me to get back on that horse and clean up my ‘getting things done’ system …

send me Light for my completions and more energy and enthusiasm,
and i’ve just done the same for all of you!!!
love you all,

the above John-Roger quote is from “Are You Unconsciously Depleting Your Energy?” in “Health from the Inside Out,” #3909-CD Packet –