I have anxiety sometimes …
I have moments where I’m so afraid to fail it’s overwhelming.
I was at the movies last Saturday night when anxiety hit me in the gut and I started worrying about my coaching practice.
As soon as we got home I let Eric, my husband, know that we needed to talk.
You see, I used to ignore or numb the feelings that I didn’t want to feel … but through years of working on myself, I’ve learned that these feelings are my biggest opportunities to let go of what’s not working in my life, and get what I really want from life.
These ‘opportunities’ have become my yellow brick road — my life highlighted — my guide to an ever growing galaxy of expansion and freedom, both within and without.
Just to be clear I am not talking about pity parties …
Or sob stories. Or wallowing in general. Drama for drama’s sake. That’s not paying attention to your feelings. That’s letting your emotions run the show…
I’m talking about using emotions as a gateway into the unconscious, so that we can then rewire their purpose from one of protection (that actually keeps us from growing and moving forward), to one of expression of expansion.
For me, this process always starts with giving my feelings a voice.
It used to be hard and frustrating, but now I’m comfortable expressing even my most immature, ridiculous and childish feelings with my husband, which has the profound effect of allowing me to move into the deeper unconscious easily and quickly.
At this point I’m not rationalizing, or fixing, or analyzing myself …
I’m more like a 5 year old child, wholeheartedly, and completely irrationally expressing how I feel. It often doesn’t make sense. And it almost always makes me sound crazy.
On Saturday night, within minutes, I was deeply present with a wildly irrational fear of failure. And as I sunk further into this unconscious energy pattern, what came forward was not wanting to disappoint others.
Then tears came with an intense overwhelming energy of how badly I didn’t want to disappoint my Mum.
Crazy right? My Mum’s dead. I can’t logically disappoint her.
But in that moment I was immediately present with an experience I had when I was 12 and my Mum was diagnosed with cancer, and I was again aware of not wanting to disappoint her, not wanting to let her down.
Thankfully, my ever intuitive husband asked me to imagine my Mum, and to find out if I really thought that she would be disappointed with me. If she was, or would ever be disappointed with me.
Of course immediately I was sobbing, and I knew deeply through every fibre of my being that: In the truth of who we are, there are no failures, no disappointments. There is only love. And that is what is waiting for me.
And while part of me already knew that … intellectually … that part of me inside deeply still wanting to support and succeed for my Mum … needed to know that, feel that, and experience that love.
The energy and freedom that was unleashed was palpable …
And as I continued through self-forgiveness I let go of other related misunderstandings of failure, disappointment and beyond. After about 20 minutes I was left with this Light almost giddy, sweet, smiley feeling. Another beautiful and successful practice of giving my feelings a voice.
This week, it’s been amazing how without even being aware of it, I am experiencing abundance and freedom to really allow myself to step forward in my coaching.
I feel able to live unhindered by fear and doubt.
I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I’ve had a very busy week with new clients.
I want to be clear at this point. This does not mean that I think I am now free and cured of anxiety and fear forever. I don’t know how this all works — I just know that the more misunderstandings and misbeliefs I let go of — the clearer and freer I have become. And that whenever I do deep healing work like this my life becomes easier in the area I was challenged by.
And what is profoundly true for me — is that the more I commit to what I want — the more time, energy and expression I put behind moving towards my heartfelt dreams — the more my unresolved issues surface for clearing and expansion.
I am not an advocate of …
committing to large, wildly heartfelt dreams … so that you can create detailed action steps, and vision boards, and affirmations, and then daily drive and push your way to what you want.
I am however an advocate of …
committing to large, wildly heartfelt dreams … so that all your fears and doubts start to surface, and so they can be embraced, heard, loved and healed.
In my experience this is how we move forward with grace.
So I encourage everyone to get a large, wildly heartfelt dream and get ready for the ride, and get the support you need to fly …
Find your own collection of ways to embrace and befriend fear and doubt — they are your keys to moving forward
Get a daily practice of self-love to hold and nurture you through the bumpy bits
Get your support team in place. Find those that can support you in transforming your fears into your expansion.
I hope this is helpful …
and of course I share to shine the Light on the work that I do. It’s my biggest honor to walk clients through this process so that they learn it and have that tool for the rest of their lives. So that they can continue to use all challenges that come their way as their stepping stones and their building blocks to greater expansion and freedom.
And I share because I think it’s wildly valuable for us all to let each other know that no one is perfect. The gurus, the leaders, the speakers of today often share only about their golden hour, and so I share because I have learnt that everyone — and I don’t care who you are — has moments of darkness and sadness. Welcome to humanity.
Both photos by Lucia Doynel | Tinylicious.co
Share the Love