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I wish I could say I never feel out of balance, upset, frustrated … or like a failure.
But I do.
I just got off the phone from my husband who is in the UK, while I’m in Australia.
I spent a good part of that conversation, letting him know that I don’t feel good … ‘I feel like a failure’ I said in what could be confused for the tone of a very small wingy child.
We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the Light.BRENÉ BROWN
Like the rest of the human population … I’m really hard on myself some times. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so much.
I am very focused and present in my business most of the time, but being in Australia with my niece Billie (almost 4 years old) and my nephew Buster (15 months) has taken a large chunk of my focus. They are like a drug. I just want more and more.
And so today I was challenged by ‘feeling’ that I’m not ‘doing enough’.
The crazy thing, as I’m sure you’ll be able to relate … is that practically I am doing more than enough … it’s just that I’m not doing my usual … and that I have a default taskmaster in me that can take over if I’m not focused on loving and taking care of myself.
So my first tactic when I become aware that I’ve fallen into a little puddle of self-pity …
Is to share my feelings honestly and vulnerably with my husband. He knows that in these moments I don’t want to be fixed, I don’t want to be solved, I just want to be heard, held, and loved. And even though he’s in London right now, his patience and sweetness was able to really hold for me, and help me feel a lot better.
Sometimes just being seen and heard by someone loving us unconditionally, can transform our negative feelings rapidly.
Really allowing ourselves to be seen, and I mean really seen – so looking our loved ones deeply in the eyes as we share, so that we can really allow in the Loving that they have for us, can be a big key.
Other times I need to spend some time on my own …
To really bring in my own loving and compassion to clear my energy field.
This is an abbreviated form of my own spiritual gestalt healing therapy that I’ve found works really powerfully.
F… Feel your feelings. First get into your body. Allow yourself to really actually FEEL your feelings, deeply, completely, right now. What are you feeling? How does it feel? Where are you feeling it?
Love is the most healing force in the world; nothing goes deeper than Love.OSHO
E… Embrace your feelings, breathe into them, make them at home. Really allow yourself to welcome and embrace them in your body.
E… Express your feelings, you can give them a voice, give them a noise, you can write them down, but just express them freely.
L… Love your feelings: these hurt, frustrated parts of you as if they were small children inside of you. Hug them. Be kind, sweet, compassionate and unconditionally loving to them.
If my 3 year old niece Billie came up to me telling me she felt sad, down, and like a failure … I wouldn’t ignore her, tell her to suck it up, or kick her while she’s down. And yet that is exactly what most of us have been conditioned to do with our negative feelings.
And so if you don’t know exactly how you would actually ‘Love your feelings’ … call to mind one of your favorite small children, and really allow yourself to think about how you would love and treat them if they expressed these feelings to you. That can also start to get the energetic field of loving going within you, that is really the heart of this process.
Embracing and making our unwanted negative feelings at home, can sound counter-intuitive. I understand.
But try it. It’s pure magic. Because it’s pure Love.
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