Being in Kauai for the last week has been incredible. And a little challenging.
I worked hard in 2016. Working a full time job with significant responsibility, multiple coaching clients, a few marketing clients … not to mention working with my own coach, completing the third year of my Masters in spiritual psychology, building my own website, and marketing my own practice.
And more than just working hard, I met my goal of building up my own practice income so that I could leave my full time job.
So … taking a week off to celebrate, to relax, to renew, should feel great and well earned.
And while this week has 95% of the time been simply that … celebration, relaxation and complete renewal. I have also been aware of a small part inside that feels a little uneasy sometimes, just receiving … just enjoying … just taking it easy.
So this isn’t news to me. One of my key karmas this life is to learn that I am loved regardless of what I do / achieve / produce. I grew up learning: that if I’m a good girl, if I work hard, if I succeed: then I’ll be loved and I’ll be ok. Not uncommon. A very ordinary disease to please.
So it’s taken a while … but now I embrace this kind of challenge in my life — the kind that can be very easily ignored or unnoticed.
The small feelings of upset, worry, and imbalance that I used to feel were signs of something wrong — I know experience as my signs of right this way — that are my sweet divine messages of where I need to focus my attention and love to grow, mature and expand.
So this week in Kauai, it would have been very easy for me to wake up and spend most of the day on the computer. I could have let my restless feelings of lack, or of guilt push me into working more.
But instead of pushing those feelings under the carpet, and in turn having them unconsciously push me into doing more work … I spent some time embracing and understanding these feelings.
It didn’t take me long to locate this restless energy — it lived in my stomach — like a whirlpool of nervous energy.
And so I began my healing session as I usually do, by giving these feelings an uncensored voice.
It didn’t take long for me to uncover the misbelief inside that was driving so much of my unrest … and this might sound crazy … but I became aware that I thought that if I succeeded or had an easier life than my Mum, then I didn’t love her. There was some big pay off I seemed to be getting by working hard, and by always working, because it made me like my Mum.
As soon as I saw this pattern I was flooded with compassion and forgiveness for myself. I let myself know and experience how deeply I loved my Mum regardless of how I choose to live this life — and energetically I set myself free.
Embracing my feelings and using them as my keys to unlocking the unconscious blocks in my life continues to be my focus and this profoundly miraculous journey.
It’s one of the focii of the work I do with clients and it’s the focus of the book I’m writing.
I’d love to hear from you. Genuinely.
How do you experience your challenging feelings in day to day life?
Do you receive them, welcome them and use them to set you free?
Or do you ignore, resist and fight them?
Your experiences and sharing will help me focus my writing and I’d be so grateful for whatever you have to share.
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